Self-Care Tips for Women Living on Caffeine and Spite

Let’s be honest: for many women, exhaustion isn’t just a phase—it’s a lifestyle. Between juggling responsibilities, career demands, and family life, it’s easy to fall into the “tired mom” stereotype. But you are more than this trope. If you’re running on caffeine and sheer willpower, it’s time to reclaim your energy and spirit. If you're looking around thinking "wow, those moms have so much energy but all I can think about is my bed." while also staying up until 2 am to doomscroll, then you need a self-care tutorial.

Here’s your guide to self-care that goes beyond bubble baths, helping you feel energized from the inside out.

Acknowledge the Exhaustion—And Reject the Trope

The first step in self-care is recognizing your fatigue and refusing to wear it as a badge of honor. The tired mom or overly busy career girl troupe is outdated and unhelpful. You deserve to feel energized, not just survive on coffee and grit. Acknowledge your exhaustion, without letting it define your personality.

It doesn’t matter if you had children as a teenager (like me) or as a woman in her forties. As mother’s we’re always grieving the woman we could have been without children, even if having them has been the greatest grounding blessing. The truth is, it’s incredibly hard. You might be remembering what it was once like to have time to shower slowly or sleep soundly, how easy it was to once take care of yourself. You might be finally experiencing the shift into silence as your children fly the nest, and wondering, is this who I could be?

You might have spent a decade working for a career that once was within your grasp, failed to dazzle you as wonderfully as the brochure once did.

Any and all of that is okay. Where ever you’re at, you need to reject the trope that you’re stuck and being exhausted is just how it is. That can bring up so much anger in us when we’re asked to face that truth - we are not stuck, we just continue to stay on the hamster wheel that doesn’t serve us. Facing this truth requires us to take radical responsibility for ourselves, and perhaps demand others to step up or step in as they should be. It may be that we need to ease our expectations of ourselves as mothers, as careerists, as women, or as a person as a whole and that’s very hard work.

First step, reject the trope, reject the normalization that your exhaustion is acceptable. Then start to ask yourself, who or what needs to change to support me too? Remember, you matter too.

Redefine Self-Care—It’s Not Just Spa Days

A sure fire way to make me angry as a mother was when someone would tell me to "just make time then." But I could never take a nap instead of cleaning the kitchen, or drink coffee in the sun on our front porch instead of taking the trash out and folding laundry. Especially when I became a working single mother, the guilt of using any possible free time on myself felt overwhelming, and my ego loved to brag about how much I got done that day. Making time for self-care felt logistically impossible until I made a radical change after a conversation with my therapist: what if I just didn't do it?

As it turns out, my determination to provide a pinterest perfect home and lifestyle for my children was truly hurting us all. My perfectionism around a constant clean home (I couldn't bare the thought of raising my kids in a dirty house) was actually a disease and distraction.

One day, I didn't fold our laundry. I bought baskets and threw our clothes into each basket. That took ten minutes compared to the 45 minutes I typically spend folding, and that time was mine. So for 35 minutes I did sit with coffee on the front porch. I felt tension release from my shoulders and I felt a relief so peaceful I wanted to cry into my *hot* coffee. Later when my kids were fussy, I actually had the patience I was always hoping I'd have.

If time has become the reason you can't take even a ten minute break, if guilt has convinced you that things need to be an aesthetically pleasing way or else your family will suffer, then your first step to self care is to lower your expectations of yourself and (hate to say it, but I gotta say it) make the time. Likewise, it may require you to raise your expectations of others around you. Is your husband truly pitching in as he should? Do you have friends and family who are willing to step in? Are your children old enough to access a snack drawer on their own and pick up their own toys?

Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. It’s about setting boundaries, saying no, and making time for yourself without guilt. Start small: block 10 minutes a day for deep breathing, journaling, or simply sitting in silence. These micro self-care moments create a foundation for feeling energized, even in a busy life and can be created be redefining our expectations of ourself and others.

Fuel Your Body—Beyond Caffeine

I drank so much coffee. I used it to wake up, to feel better emotionally, and to suppress my hunger. It was my emotional support drink in the most serious way. Relying solely on caffeine is a short-term fix. True energy comes from nourishing your body.

Nutrition and real meals felt impossible at times either due to time constraints or even financial challenges. Once upon a time I was visiting food shelves and receiving food stamps, and so much of those resources went to my children. It was easy to self-sacrifice for my girls, but truthfully, putting myself last like that as the sole provider wasn't good for any of us. Can I really be so naive as to think my hunger didn’t effect my mood? Did that mood effect my children? Did my lack of energy effect us all? Of course it did. I say this not to bring shame, but to acknowledge and bring to light the normalization my dependence on a caffeine had become.

When my focus shifted to consuming whole foods, staying hydrated, and packing protein int my day, I felt like a different person. Keep healthy snacks handy—think nuts, fruit, or yogurt. Even on your busiest days, prioritize water over another cup of coffee. Your body will thank you with more sustainable energy.

The quickest way to start: eat protein before coffee. I like to make black bean and egg burritos and keep them in the fridge so I have no excuse.

Move Your Body—Even When You’re Tired

Perfectionism will rob me of healthy movement too. If I didn't' have the outfit and gym membership and 1.5 to 3 hours to work out and shower and do my hair then I guess I just don't have time then.

Wrong.

Movement doesn’t have to mean a full workout. Stretching, a brisk walk, or a quick dance session in your kitchen can work wonders. Physical activity releases endorphins, helping you feel energized and lifting your mood. Find what works for you and make it a non-negotiable part of your day. Sometimes this means I'm doing yoga in my pajamas or taking the stairs instead of the elevator. Sometimes it means finding a 5 minute pilates arm work out valuable instead of dismissing it. When we dismiss our need for movement, we are saying something external of ourselves is a greater priority.

My morning walks create clarity and grounding in my body, and I feel better prepared to take on the day.

Create Your Own Altar

When I was working 60 hour weeks as a sales director, I was mentally unwell my friends. I was making good money ( a nice change compared to receiving food stamps) but it felt like I saw too many spreadsheets and logisitcal event management issues and not enough beauty. Nothing will make you sick more than a hotel conference room with buzzing lights. I had to infuse little nooks of beauty into my day, and I had to be okay with the fact that these things were simply there to be pretty, not everything needs to be functional.

So my desk had a pink himylean salt lamp, a plant, a pretty frame, and seashells I collected.

It was simple, but it worked, I felt happy every time I saw that corner of my desk.

Prioritize Rest—Quality Over Quantity

If I were going to patronize you I would say this:

Sleep is the ultimate self-care practice. If you struggle with sleep, create a calming bedtime routine: dim the lights, put away screens, and try meditation or gentle stretches. Even if you can’t get a full eight hours, focus on making your rest as restorative as possible. Your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being depends on it.

But that just makes all of us busy women angry. As a mother and as a hotelier, my sleep was utterly broken. It was either interrupted by my children or emergency phone calls from the team, or I wasn't doing it at all because anxiety.

Here's what I will say, I kept a bag of mini Reeses in the fridge. If I had to get up for my kids, I'd grab one. That little dopamine hit made it possible to fall back asleep and made getting up seem a little okay. When I worked insane hours, I had to start practicing yoga before bed. I could release the tension in my jaw and lower back enough to rest. If my mind was racing, I could practice breath work.

Eventually though, I started taking medication my doctor prescribed, and that was necessary.

I also discovered that even if I couldn't sleep, sometimes stillness while listening to a audio book was better than nothing. Passive rest did contribute to feeling better in the morning.

Connect and Communicate—You’re Not Alone

Isolation fuels exhaustion. Reach out to friends, family, or online communities for support. Share your struggles and celebrate your wins, no matter how small. Sometimes, just knowing you’re not alone can help you feel energized and empowered to make positive changes.

I think if I had had someone safe to share details with life could have been easier. I'm always available via email if you want to share with me.

Final words

You are more than the tired mom or overwhelming busy careeer gal trope. By embracing intentional self-care—mind, body, and spirit—you can move beyond survival mode. Start with small, consistent steps. Prioritize yourself, create your own self-care retreat, and remember: you deserve to feel energized, inspired, and whole. When you’re ready for deeper rest, join us on one of our retreats as we come together to take a collective pause to discover rich recovery.